I spent part of Black Friday sitting at the front of Greetings and Readings, a popular bookstore and gift shop in Hunt Valley, Maryland. Based on a similar past experience, I knew that I would be largely ignored by the customers and that the people most likely to talk to me would be fiftysomething men, not exactly TMI’s target demographic.

Over the course of two hours, I signed four copies of TMI, which I now know isn’t a bad number at all for a relatively unknown author doing this kind of event. However, in retrospect, there were several things I could have done to increase sales:

1. Worn a Baltimore Ravens jersey

2. Placed Ravens merchandise on the table next to my books. The snowmen wearing Ravens hats and sweatshirts were especially popular.

3. Shouted “Go Ravens!” at regular intervals

4. When asked what TMI was about, answered, “Oh, a girl who really loves the Ravens.”

5. Gotten a Raven to come in and sign copies of TMI

6. Claimed to be Ray Lewis’s sister

7. Put a flat screen behind me showing the Raven’s latest game

8. Brought my husband and brother along so that the three of us could dress up as Edgar, Allan, and Poe, the Ravens’ mascots

9. Set up a kissing booth next to my table with Ravens cheerleaders

Seriously, was anyone in this store interested in the actual books for sale? The customers were all clustered around the display of Ravens merchandise like a bunch of starving people at a pit beef stand.

After a rousing evening with friends, my man and I were in the supermarket shopping for snacks. I really wanted Old Dutch potato chips, and my man didn’t. I was wearing lipstick, so I kissed the box of chips and said, “Ha! Now we have to get them.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

My iPod contains much secret shame.

1. Britney, Britney Spears

2. The Essential Journey, Journey

3. Times Makin’ Changes: The Best of Tesla, Tesla

4. An astonishing number of Sheryl Crow albums

5. Gold, ABBA

6. Both volumes of the Boogie Nights soundtrack

7. Make It Big, Wham!

8. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert soundtrack

9. Singable Songs for the Very Young, Raffi (okay, it’s for my daughter; otherwise, I wouldn’t have it. Seriously.)

10. Fire, Electric Six

The town I grew up in didn’t have a lot to offer teenagers. There was no coffee shop, no mall, no roller rink, no mini golf course. Some kids hung out in the Hardee’s parking lot, but that wasn’t a practical option during winter, which lasted five months. The parking lot wasn’t my scene, anyway.

I clearly remember the winter of my sophomore year. I had very few friends that year, and two of my siblings were still toddlers, which meant that the living room was a sea of toys, Cheerios, and Disney videos. That was not my scene, either.

No, my scene was my room. Pretty much all I did was sit on my bed listening to Pink Floyd’s The Wall and playing solitaire. With real cards–we didn’t have a computer.

Now when I think about how many hours I wasted slouched on my bed, I cringe. I could have been writing a novel.

Things I’m Bad At

1. Volleyball. I’ve never seen anyone worse than me.

2. Showing restraint with baked goods. I try to limit myself to two cookies a day, but I often fail.

3. Cooking rice. I know, what could be simpler, right? But I’ve screwed it up many times.

4. Not taking things personally. Especially someone else’s bad behavior, which usually has nothing to do with me. Still, when people are rude or grouchy, my knee-jerk reaction is, “Oh no, what did I do?” This could be a sign of self-centeredness.

5. Remembering what people do for a living. It’s funny because I have a great memory for names and dates, but when I meet someone for the first time and they tell me what they do, it usually goes in one ear and out the other. No idea why.

6. Functioning on very little sleep and irregular meals. My body is highly intolerant of poor treatment.

7. Waiting for people to respond to my emails. I am not patient, and the longer it takes someone to get back to me, the more I worry that it’s because I did something wrong (see #4).

8. Forgiveness. I’m getting better, but I still have a long way to go. This book helped.

9. Juggling. I dated the president of the juggling club in college, and even that didn’t help.

10. Ballroom dancing. Sorry, but I want to lead.

I have an aunt who is only ten years older than me. When I was eight, I was at my grandma’s house, and I decided to snoop around my aunt’s bedroom. I opened up her desk drawer and found a little black spray bottle. Thinking it was perfume, I spritzed it on my wrists, rubbed them together, and held them up to my face.

Right away, I knew something was wrong. My eyes began to itch, and my wrists were on fire. I ran to my parents and showed the them the bottle. My dad started laughing, but I didn’t see what was so funny. He told me the bottle contained pepper spray and that some people carried it with them for self defense purposes. My dad also said that he’d had to walk into a room clouded over with it when he was in the army.

I got in the shower to relieve the stinging in my eyes and thought to myself, “I’m never joining the army.”

Want to meet me or some other great new YA authors? This is your big chance; we’re taking the country by storm this holiday season! Check out the article written by Malinda Lo, one of my fellow Debs and book signing partner in crime.

The 2009 Debutantes, a group of 59 debut young adult authors, are pleased to announce Holidaze With the Debs, a series of author events in the U.S. and Canada this holiday season. At bookstores, libraries and schools in the New York, Chicago, San Francisco and Toronto areas, members of the 2009 Debutantes will talk about their own books and other 2009 favorites. A full list of events is available below.

“Publishers are working with shrinking promotional budgets in this economy,” notes Rhonda Stapleton, a member of the 2009 Debutantes and author of STUPID CUPID (Simon Pulse). “As first-time authors, we know that much of our promotion is going to have to come from us, and over the last year we’ve also learned how much fun it is to do events together. So we’re especially excited to be able to talk to readers directly this holiday season.”

Each region’s events will feature that region’s local authors. Six Debs will be featured at San Francisco Bay Area events. Sarah Quigley, who lives in San Francisco with her husband and young daughter, was discovered when a New York editor found her blog and asked her to write a YA novel, TMI. J.A. Yang, also of San Francisco, channeled his inner teen girl when writing EXCLUSIVELY CHLOE, about a Chinese girl who is adopted by celebrity parents.

Events around Lauren Bjorkman’s Palo Alto High School reunion inspired her to write MY INVENTED LIFE. C. Lee McKenzie is a California native who now lives in Los Gatos; her debut novel, SLIDING ON THE EDGE, was inspired by a news report of self-abuse in troubled teens. Cheryl Renee Herbsman, a San Rafael mom of two, set her novel, BREATHING, about young love, in the South where she grew up. Malinda Lo, author of ASH, a lesbian retelling of Cinderella, lives in Marin with her partner.

ABOUT THE 2009 DEBUTANTES: The 2009 Debutantes was founded in 2008 by Jackson Pearce, author of AS YOU WISH, as an online community for debut young adult authors to share their experiences. The 2009 Debs’ books include #1 New York Times bestseller WINGS by Aprilynne Pike; critically acclaimed novels THE DEMON’S LEXICON by Sarah Rees Brennan, PROPHECY OF THE SISTERS by Michelle Zink, EYES LIKE STARS by Lisa Mantchev, THE FOREST OF HANDS AND TEETH by Carrie Ryan, FLASH BURNOUT by L.K. Madigan and TWENTY BOY SUMMER by Sarah Ockler; Scholastic Book Fair selection MODELS DON’T EAT CHOCOLATE COOKIES by Erin Dionne, Junior Library Guild Selection CANDOR by Pam Bachorz and SHADOWED SUMMER by Saundra Mitchell; and a host of other amazing novels that debuted in 2009.

To find out more about the 2009 Debutantes, visit www.feastofawesome.com.

***

2009 DEBUTANTES’ HOLIDAZE TOUR

NEW YORK

Dec. 6, 1-3 p.m.
Books of Wonder
18 West 18th St.
New York, NY
Including: Megan Crewe, Sarah Cross, Deva Fagan, Neesha Meminger, Kate Messner, Shani Petroff, Jon Skovron, Michelle Zink

CHICAGO

Dec. 5, 1-3 p.m.
Borders
161 N. Weber Road
Bolingbrook, IL
Including: Cynthea Liu, Saundra Mitchell, Aprilynne Pike, Kristina Springer, Darcy Vance, Lara Zielin

Dec. 5, 7-9 p.m.
The Book Cellar, Inc.
4736-38 North Lincoln Avenue
Chicago, IL
Including: Cynthea Liu, Saundra Mitchell, Aprilynne Pike, Kristina Springer, Darcy Vance, Lara Zielin

SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA

Dec. 5, 3-4 p.m.
Borders
588 Francisco Blvd. West
San Rafael, CA
Including: Cheryl Renee Herbsman, Malinda Lo, Sarah Quigley

Dec. 8, 7 p.m.
Menlo Park Public Library
800 Alma St.
Menlo Park, CA
Including: Lauren Bjorkman, Cheryl Renee Herbsman, C. Lee McKenzie, Sarah Quigley, J.A. Yang

Dec. 9, 12 p.m.
Petaluma High School*
201 Fair St.
Petaluma, CA
Including: Lauren Bjorkman, Cheryl Renee Herbsman, Malinda Lo, Sarah Quigley, J.A. Yang
* Open to the public, but visitors should check in at the school office when arriving

Dec. 12, 2-4 p.m.
Barnes & Noble
119 Colma Blvd.
Colma, CA
Including: Lauren Bjorkman, Cheryl Renee Herbsman, Malinda Lo, C. Lee McKenzie, Sarah Quigley, J.A. Yang

TORONTO

Jan. 9, 2 p.m.
Indigo
Eaton Centre
220 Yonge St.
Toronto, Ontario
Including:  R.J. Anderson, Megan Crewe, Sarah Ockler, Rhonda Stapleton, Lara Zielin

Jobs I’ve Had

1. Weed whacker

2. Chicken fryer

3. Knot tyer

4. Convenience store clerk

5. Waitress

6. Book shelver

7. Note taker

8. Writing tutor

9. ESL Instructor

10. Russian interpreter

11. Secretary

12. Mail sorter

13. Temp

14. Mama*

15. Novelist*

*Best, most challenging, lowest-paying, and longest hours. But that’s often the way it is with worthwhile endeavors.

In fourth grade, a guest speaker came to school to talk to us about the dangers of strangers. We watched a video in which friendly, well-groomed adults tried to lure children into the backs of vans with candy and toys. The guest speaker led a discussion about the best thing to do if we were ever faced with that situation.

Next, there was a scene in which a man walked up to a child in a park and opened his trench coat. The speaker paused the video and asked us what he was doing. I volunteered, “Oh, maybe he had some candy in his pocket and was showing it to the little boy.”

Laughter erupted all around me. Apparently, I was the only kid in fourth grade who didn’t know what a flasher was.

No, I haven’t run out of books to read or awesome authors to gush about. But I do have a deadline for completing the first draft of my new novel, and something needs to give. Writer Wednesday will return as a regular feature in mid-December when my life is a little saner. I try to put special thought and care into my posts about authors, and I don’t feel I can do them the justice they deserve right now.

My Monday lists and Friday flashbacks will continue, though. Thank you for your patience, devotion, and general fabulousness.